I was having lunch with some friends in Palmdale, CA today when it happened. I couldn’t believe that I did it. I instantly fealt like a fool for doing something that I hate watching others do, for something that, intellectually, makes me feel like the fingernail scratching against the chalk board: I gave “they” credit for some random piece of information that was in my head. You know what I mean. I said something to the effect of “Well, ‘they’ say that…(fill in whatever bit of random trivia you want right here).” And, with a lightning quick response my useful, yet pointless information, was answered with a resounding, soul-piercing “and who exactly are they?”
We have all given ‘they’ credit. In fact, we began to joke with eachother. We were struck with wonder at the amount of wisdom that ‘they’ has.ÂÂ
I apparently AM ‘they,’ at least, that was the joke.  I said that it was great being ‘they’ because it makes me famous but at the same time it is like having a secret identity like Batman, or someone of that nature. It made me think though: ‘they’ has an awfully big sphere of influence. In fact, ‘they’ seem to know everything, everyone, and get all of the credit for anything good.
Why can’t we just state information without assigning credit to someone else, especially when we don’t know who ‘they’ are? Doesn’t information belong to everyone?
I believe in giving credit where credit is due, but sometimes, I think we worry that we couldn’t possibly accept credit for the knowledge that is in our own heads.
Let me explain:
Growing up I often had the terrible experience of people introducing me as some sort of “smart person.” Most people would think of this as a compliment unless of course, like me, they were persistently introduced as the “smart guy.” There’s a lot of pressure that comes with titles, especially the title of intellect. I would often feel like there was some sort expectation about me, that I had to say something clever, or spout off some random information in order that I could fulfill the ideas that had just been planted into someone else’s head about who I am. This has been a very difficult experience for me.
As most people do, I have dealt with these expectations in a number of ways. The most common-and difficult-was to try to live up to the title. It’s funny because as soon as you try to be a “smart” person you will find someone that is smarter and who takes pride in making sure that you realize that they ARE smarter. This has happened to me a lot. In fact, it happens frequently. That’s why I developed another method for copinig with the “smart expectation.”
When people introduce you as being smart you may often feel the need to not act as smart as you are. You know what I mean, some sort of false humility that takes on the form of pretending not to know things and not correcting things which are inaccurate. In a sense, trying to make someone else feel smarter. The problem with this is the lack of honesty to yourself. After all, it is a “false humiltiy” and living lies is a real issue for me. I don’t like it.
So, what do you do?
I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like living up to people’s expectations and so the only expectation that I want to live up to is that of being myself. That’s one that I can do: being the quircky, dorky, eccentric, at times ADD prone person that I am. I think we should all strive for that, being ourselves that is. It seems healthy. You know, honesty, sincerity, genuine expression of thoughts and emotions, it just seems like a good way to do life.
And that’s the point. When we are quoting ‘they’ we are not owning our thoughts. It’s a reflection on a lack of confidence in ourselves. It tells people “I want to seem smart, but I don’t have original thoughts.” But we do have original thoughts AND we are smart people.
All of us have some sort of contribution to make to the people around us, some way that we can brighten their lives. Perhaps it’s in a joke, or a smile, a hug, or even a look, it is our responsibility to each other to live as honestly as possible and this can only occur when we have established a healthy level of confidence in ourselves; when we can own our thoughts, emotions, whims and ramblings.
So stop giving ‘they’ credit. Embrace your abiltiy to have a reasonable thought and don’t be afraid to share it with those around you. After all, ‘they’ say that you should just be yourself.
