The Fruit of Truth
(Or “How I learned that I’m smart enough,
good looking enough, and darn it, people like me”)
Jesus commented, “This tax man, not the other, went home made right with God. If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”
Luke 18:14 (The Message)
There are a lot of times in life that I have wished that I was not me. There was the time that I, with absolutely no game whatsoever, asked out one of the prettiest girls in the ninth grade (she had a crown to prove it too, “Miss Teen Something or Other”) and was instantly rejected. Or perhaps every time that people would think of me and say “Oh that’s [fill in any of my five brothers’ names] little brother” and couldn’t think of my name. Or the day that I got fired from my parents’ company. That’s right; I was fired by my own family.
There are countless experiences in my life that have made me wish that I was not me, or, more than me. From a confused and emotionally dark childhood to present, there are many days that I have preferred living life in my imagination.
“What would it be like if I was so-and-so?”
“I wish I was as good as…”
“Why can’t I get a break like…?”
“Why do I have to go through this?”
“Why don’t they like me?”
“Why don’t I like me?”
I have discovered the art of creating the best case scenario. You know what I mean. Inventing the dream come true. Imagining what it would feel like to live what I have always desired. It is a blissful, shining beacon of hope within my imagination:
My inner-world.
In this place, I am the star. I always win. I always end up getting what I hope for. I always accomplish more than humanly possible. I am always right. I am always the hero. I am always well liked. Yes, it is a world that is far, far away from reality.
I think that my inner-world is a part of a very, very big solar system. I think that all of us have at least a little inner-world. And this makes me think that all of these little inner-worlds are orbiting a great big, blazing sun.
I think this sun is intense in heat and brightness. I think that it causes the little people-the ones that are worshipping us-on our inner-worlds to squint when they walk outside. I think that this blazing inferno has caused the little “Sun Glass Huts” in our little inner-worlds to open new branches at a rate 10 times that of “Starbucks” (in my inner-world Starbucks is free, a community service if you would).
“Well Matthew, what is this brighter-than-normal sun in the center of the system of our inner worlds?”
It’s made up of the only thing that it could be: ego.
Think about it, the only thing that our self-absorbed inner-worlds could possibly orbit would be, well, us.
There is an enormous problem with all of this though: if I am at the center of my universe AND the complete focus of my world, then I don’t have time to be a part of your world. And likewise, you don’t have any time to be a part of my world, and so-on, and so-on. Eventually, this means that our inner-worlds are void of population, that the entire population is at conflict with each other, and this is the source of the intense star-like heat of the sun in the solar system of our inner-worlds.
We are all fighting to be at the center.
This is why we create our “inner-worlds.”
Because we think we are at conflict with each other.
I remember a series of mantras being spoken to me as I grew up. They all said something like “You have to look out for number one first” or “You’re the only one that you can count on” or my favorite “Only the strongest survive.”
What?!?!
Only the strongest survive!?!?
If you’re like me, then this saying makes you feel like you are absolutely screwed. I have never been the best at ANYTHING. That means that I’m the first to go!
You might feel this way too, like you would be the first to go. So what do you do? Well, you could try and escape the pains of reality by inventing a happy little inner-world…
“Oh please don’t start that ‘inner-world’ stuff again…”
You see, the central thing that our egos are trying to do is not to make us feel like we’re better than anyone else. Our egos are trying to make us feel like we are good enough. We are looking for validation from everyone around us, hoping that we can be accepted, and we think that the only way to be accepted is to try being something that we are not (sounds like our inner-worlds spill into the real-world a lot, don’t they?).
The problem is the lack of perspective that we gain from an inner-world. We can’t see the forest for the trees; in fact, we can’t see the trees because we are staring at ourselves in the mirror; making every flaw look worse than it really is and making every point of beauty better than it is. Why this obsession with being more?
I think that our desire to be more comes from a very real place. I think that we all have been lost like sheep at some point, that we have all wandered astray, and that until we return home, we will never quite feel whole. I think that until we realize that we have no clue what we are doing or where we are going that we can not find our true selves.
Why?
Because until we admit who we really are we can not be who we really are.
I think that when we embrace the truth there is a very real end result, we become honest. And I think that being honest is being quite a bit more than our “normal” selves. I think the people that we find most refreshing, the ones that are all of the things that we wish (I’m not talking about the people on TV or in the movies, I’m talking about the people that you see everyday) are the people that have found some part of their life where they can be honest about themselves. I think that we naturally exalt truth (on the flip-side of this, we embrace lies for the sake of our own imaginary comfort).
And most importantly, I am certain that God rejoices in the truth.
That means that truth can be a cause, and if there is a cause then there is an affect. The affect is you becoming more.
More than yourself.
More than your inner-world.
More than you hoped for.
The fruit of truth is you becoming more.
Not more ego-centric, not more notable, not more than others, just more you.
So, perhaps it is time that we sent our little inner-worlds crashing into the great big blazing sun of our egos. That is, maybe it’s time we confronted ourselves.
I think this is the only way that we can become content with ourselves. We have to see ourselves honestly, realizing that the good things are a gift from God and that the bad things are the tools that God will use to shape our characters. And I think that once we become content with ourselves, that we can do what Jesus said and become God centered, extending to others.
And that’s how I learned that I’m smart enough, good looking enough, and darn it, people like me.
